Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Blogging Again?

There once was a gal, forty-one,
Who assumed that these years would be fun.
Thought she'd have it together, it would all be clear weather...
But instead feels like coming undone!

No Spring Chicken will eventually be a real paper zine, but my own computer has been out for repair for WEEKS, and I don't work well on a long project using someone else's computer...but I have been neglecting my writing and I have a hard time JUST writing in a journal since I started visual journaling. I have gotten so used to writing on some kind of painted or decorated surface that I can't get past the blank white page anymore. Plus, I type faster on the computer.

I haven't had any luck sticking with blogging since I gave up my long-term blog back in 2006 (I've started and abandoned a few since that time) and I have no idea if maintaining a blog holds any interest for me these days. I am not even sure if I should necessarily be writing - sometimes I think it is good for me not to write, just to let things go. I have at times been kind of obsessive, feeling like I need to somehow document every thought I have. But it has been good to have boxes filled with hundreds of printed blog posts, copies of the many long letters I have written, all my practically illegible handwritten journals, and my zines - all of which, taken together, make a detailed chronicle of my inner and outer lives.

Blogging as a writing tool has good and bad points.

The Good: I take more time to make sure my writing is clear and understandable, because other people may read it. I try harder to be clever or funny. I would never write limericks in a journal. Sometimes it is good to have other people read my thoughts - either to understand me and join in my pity party, or else kick me in the pants.

The Bad: Blogging felt like a burden after a while - because people read it, it began to seem like a duty to produce something for them to read. I hated when I would get caught up in whether or not there were comments, or whether people agreed with what I had written. Sometimes I would allow that to dictate how I felt about myself that day. It can also take a lot of time, and be a distraction from other things that need to be done. It was good for me to give up blogging because I needed to learn that the world would not stop if I did not put in my two cents about (insert topic or issue here). I think I have learned that lesson though, almost too well.

I do know that I am in a time of life when I am conflicted, confused and generally not functioning at high levels, and writing has always helped me to sort things out. We will see what happens.

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